Figuring out how to up my green game hasn't exactly been as easy as I thought it would be. This morning I thought a good place to start would be to search Google using the term, green web sites. Surely from this search I would find web sites that would offer me something useful. Perhaps if I were lucky enough I would stumble upon a previously undisclosed tid-bit of green info that would escalate my green game. Not so much, here's what I found;

Four of the web sites focus on scientific news articles, and I don't have to tell you I'm no scientist. On to the next few;

Five web sites focused on information surrounding global warming. Although some refer to it as climate change, whilst others call it the end of Arctic chill. Oh there was a riveting piece about where Scottish Parliamentarians stand on the issue and how advanced they are in their thinking.

There are several blogs whose authors offer their savvy opinions on everything from CFL light bulbs versus incandescent ones, to the best method to cool the earth, a.k.a. global warming, climate change, and end of Arctic chill.

I saved the best for last; a wonderful web site all about the wonderfully green things all the top celebrities are doing for the planet. Russell Crowe was first up, complete with a photo of him smoking wearing a bicycle helmet. The piece was all about a tiff between him and the author who made fun of Russell for trying to get in shape while stopping for the occasional smoke break. What this has to do with being green truly escapes me, but then as I mentioned earlier, I'm no scientist. Personally though I say if Russell Crowe can ride a bike, and work out and still smoke, WHO CARES?!

I've come to the conclusion after reviewing various web sites, I guess I'm not as bad off as I thought I was in my green quest. Recycling, making better energy choices, and supporting my local farmers will do for now.

How Much Should One Sacrifice for the Planet?

You know how you can just tell something isn't going to go your way just from a certain feeling you get? It isn't any kind of science, nothing tangible, but still you know instinctively that it's not going to be good? Well that's how I felt when I decided, a.k.a. got railroaded into, hosting a green cleaning party for my neighbor Sally. You remember Sally, she's the one who cornered me in the grocery store not long ago like the Spanish Inquisition.

I was at home minding my own business when the phone rang. It was Sally on the other end telling me about her newest venture. "I've been experimenting with healthy cleaning products, and I found it's really very simple to make your own," she told me as if she'd just invented sliced bread. "Seeing as you are so into the green way of life, I knew you would want to support the sustainable community by hosting my first eco-cleaning seminar." Did she really think she was going to smooze me with such a transparent approach? "Um Sally, why don't you hold it at your own house? Doesn't that make more sense?" I asked naively. "Oh gosh no that wouldn't work," she said as if talking to a three year old. "Everyone knows the party must be held on neutral territory, and seeing as you are the neighborhood green queen, yours is the logical house to host."

I wanted to ask her who everyone was. It was an answer that had eluded me for decades, who was everyone? Everyone knows you can't wear white past labor day, and everyone knows this and everyone knows that. But just who was everyone? I guess I pondered my life's mystery too long because Sally took my silence as a, yes I'll host your stupid party. "Oh thank you friend," she gushed, "I'll email you the list of people I think you should invite along with the party schedule. I'll also send along some menu ideas of what I think you should serve. Of course we can work on that together." She reassured me. "What," I asked too stunned to have heard a word she'd said after thank you friend. I sat there trying to wrap my brain around what exactly it was I'd gotten myself into when she said, "I have to run now, there's so much to prepare for. Oh goodness..." I heard her say before the numbing sound of the dial tone awakened my instincts to hang up the phone.

I sat there with my mouth slightly open like a fish out of water, as if there wasn't enough air in the room. I can't say for certain but I just know this is not going to be good.

Garage Sales are Very Green Indeed

Have you ever sat and watched a horror movie, and inevitably some fool decides to go into the basement? Sure you have and you probably have the same reaction I do, you sit there in disbelief and scream at the t.v., "What's the matter with you? Don't go down there!"

Well last month I decided to confront my fears and ventured into my own basement, and believe me it was scarier than any horror movie I ever saw. After I managed to maneuver around the cobwebbed covered gym equipment, and almost broke my ankle slipping on the dance mats my daughter had left on the floor, I made it back into the "storage" area, where I just about suffered a panic attack looking at all the boxes, wreaths, suitcases, dishes, well you get the idea.

Why would I ever embark on such an adventure you ask? Well let me tell you maybe it's been turning 50, or maybe it's simply that I'm getting brave in my later years, but the time has come for me to simplify my life, and what a better place to start than by clearing out the basement.

It took a complete month with as much help as I could guilt my family into giving to organize, repack, and haul everything that wasn't absolutely essential into the garage. Once that enormous task was completed the next logical course of action seemed to be to hold a garage sale.

"A garage sale?" My husband said shaking his head. "You have never even been to a garage sale, let alone have one." I ignored his negative attitude and worked feverishly on a three day event. At the end of the third day when more than half the stuff was left, he came up to me and asked, "Now what do we do, throw everything out?"

"Yes that's exactly what we do. Put everything out with the garbage and let it be taken to the landfill." I said sarcastically. "No dear, we donate the books and magazines to the library, take all the clothing to the brown sheds behind the church, box all the computer stuff, board games, and some other things to a community center, and what's ever left split between Volunteers of America and The Veterans Outreach. This way you aren't throwing anything away, it's being recycled for reuse and you get to take a dollar amount off your taxes."

He quickly rebutted, "Wow, I wonder how much gasoline you'll burn making all those trips," and then muttered under his breath, "Doesn't seem very green to me."
"Oh but it will be," I shot back, "as long as you hypemile on the drive."

Green Vacationing

Even though I haven't written a post in a while, doesn't mean I've fallen off the green wagon just yet. In fact far from it. I have spent time exploring the many different ways to go green while vacationing. I used to think that "green" vacations meant getting back to nature, and reconnecting with mother earth, and although this is still true for many people, there are some of us who love nature from afar. Don't get me wrong, I quite enjoy a nice hike along a nature trail, and as long as I can take a hot shower and climb into a comfy bed at the end of the day, I'm all for mother nature.

When one thinks about summer, the thought of family vacations pops into mind. Years ago when our kids were little and money was tight, my husband Paul and I still wanted to indulge ourselves with a well deserved break. Our neighbors, who were in the same financial situation as we were, came up with what at the time seemed like a good vacation plan, a joint camping trip.

Paul was the least enthusiastic of the bunch, but relented when he saw how excited the kids were. We researched just the right camping spot, not too far from home, but far enough away to get the feeling of a vacation. We borrowed most of what we needed from a friend, bought enough food and supplies to last a week, packed the car and headed off for our great adventure in the wilderness. Well maybe not the wilderness, but for a two people raised in the city it was the closest Paul and I had ever been.

We left at five in the morning figuring we would be able to pick a spot close to the lake. The car was filled with excitement, songs, and anticipation on the two hour drive to the camp site. We talked about all the fun things we would do, and personally I looked forward to cooking over an open fire. Just imagine how good that food will taste I though to myself.

We arrived just in time to get the last spot by the water, and we all commented on what a good omen it was. We spent most of the day getting our tents pitched and camp sites set up. When everything was set up, the men decided they would make a fire while the women took the kids on a little hike. The hike proved to be a bit of a challenge with five kids under the age of 8, but my son loved the ability of being able to walk behind a bush and pee at will.

When we returned from our hike our first nights meal of hot dogs and hamburgers was all cooked. My mouth watered in anticipation of that first bite, but I was hugely disappointed when all I could taste was lighter fluid. When my daughter refused to eat another bite after a fly landed on her hot dog bun, I got an uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach, but chose not give into it.

Later on that night when the campfire had just about burned out, Paul, the kids and I went to spend our first night ever sleeping in a tent. I laid there awake for what seemed like an eternity focusing on the high pitched mosquito noise in my right ear. When my husband sat straight up and slapped himself in the middle of the forehead trying to get the misquito that was tormenting him, I couldn't restrain my laughter. When we had all finished laughing I came up with the brilliant idea of going to sleep in the car. Thankfully our SUV was big enough to sleep three of us comfortably, but the fourth would have to settle for the front bucket seat in a reclined position. The kids fit beautifully in the very back, and I pulled the - I gave birth card - and took the back seat for myself, while Paul got the reclinded bucket seat.

The next morning we woke to the sound of thunder. When the rain started to pour down in droves, we started the car and headed to the nearest town for breakfast. We thought about our neighbors stuck in their tent and brought back coffee, juice and doughnuts for them.

When we returned to the campsite, everything was packed up and our neighbor friends were all covered in mud. "Nice of you to bail on us," snapped Steve. When we tried to explain what had happened and offered them the coffee, juice and doughnuts, Cindy offered us a gesture of what I could only interpret meant the end of our neighborly relationship.

On the way home we quietly sipped our beverages and ate the rest of the doughnuts. We agreed to never mention the word camp or camping again. Unless of course it was a vacation at the camp Holiday Inn.

What's a Snow Day Mommy?

Well another school year is over, and not one single snow day was used. In fact I don't even think they're called snow days anymore.

When I was a kid we could count on missing at least a week of school. Why in 1972, or was it 68, school was shut down for an two entire weeks! Charlie who lived across the street from me, turned his backyard into one gigantic winter wonderland. Kids began queuing up in front of his house around 8 in the morning to take their turn in the white frozen tunnels he built that spanned the entire yard.

My mother of course forbid me from venturing into the intriguing tunnels. "It could collapse at any time," she reasoned, "and would take days to dig you out. By that time you'd be dead from suffocation." Good old fear, worked every time.

It didn't take Charlie long to realize he was sitting on a gold mine, and started charging kids their weeks allowance to get in. That lasted for a few days until someone's father got wise and complained to Charlie's dad about it. Poor Charlie had to shovel apart all his hard work, and give all the kids their money back.

In a way, I kind of feel sorry for kids today. Most will never get to experience the huge amounts of snowfall needed to close every school within a 50 mile radius. Pitiful how they won't be able to experience the excitement of staying home with Mom all day, every day with no foreseeable end in sight. Hmm, maybe there is one silver lining to climate change after all.

Walking the Green Line can Prove Embarrassing to Some

A while back I read a certain fact which has haunted me; Styrofoam takes 900 years or more to decompose! First I always wonder how these things are figured out, but then understanding that I'm no scientist, if the source is reputable then I take their word for it. In this instance it was from National Geographic, so I figured those kids knew their stuff.

Anyhow every time I went out to dinner and didn't finish the meal, I started to get anxious over which was worse; to take the leftovers home in a Styrofoam container, or to waste the food. I decided wasting the food was not an option, so I needed to come up with a better solution than accepting take home Styrofoam containers. Here's what I do now, bring my own containers. Seems simple enough to hide a plastic container in your purse, then when the time comes and the server asks if you would like to them to wrap what's left on your plate, you can simply respond, "Yes and please put it in here," whipping the container out of your bag and handing it to them, before they have a chance to think about it. Believe me it works most of the time, but be fore warned, if your husband is anything like mine, once the meals through and he eyes the server heading over your way, he'll quickly excuse himself and head off to the bathroom.

Reducing Energy 101

Everyone knows that a huge part of going green has to do with reducing energy use across the board, or as I now like to put it, lowering my own personal carbon foot print, impressive terminology huh? But in order to figure out how much energy we use as a family I knew I would have to convert my watts usage over to kilowatts. When I looked on the Internet to look for a conversion chart this is one of the explanations I found;

Remember Energy is always conserved (such conservation is known as the first law of thermodynamics). Entropy is not. When you posses energy with the lowest entropy you posses the most useful form of energy for conversion to work. When you convert energy from one form to another, you create entropy (almost always) - and when you do, the process is called irreversible (because you generate entropy). In ideal cases you may have a process that does not cause any irreversibility, and consequently no entropy is generated. Electrochemical processes and processes where work is converted to work are such processes, but often not quite a 100% reversible. Anytime heat is produced and transferred from one temperature to another (i.e. across a temperature gradient)- the process is irreversible because entropy is generated.
Well certainly that explained it. This was almost as confusing to me as the time I tried to figure out my metabolic rate while standing on one foot with two fingers pressed against my neck while trying to count the beats with a stop watch in my other hand, as the cute little spandex red headed instructor encouraged me not to give up. For some reason my hearing is diminished when I exercise, maybe it has something to do with the amount of blood rushing to my brain, or maybe it’s simply that I can’t hear anything over my own self gasping for air. At any rate I thought I would have more luck trying to understand the theory of relativity than trying to convert watts over to kilowatts.
At dinner that night my husband asked me how I was coming along with my conversion project. “Well, I have decided to ditch that. Instead I think we’ll try to keep it simple by minimizing our usage.” Our sixteen year old daughter rolled her eyes and groaned, “Ugh. Like it’s not bad enough that you have switched my bathroom lights over to CFL’s and that I look like a clown every time I use make-up, but now you’re saying we can’t use the lights we do have?”
“No,” I snapped, ” I was talking about other energy uses, like the air conditioner, and the ceiling fan you leave running all night long.”
“Let me get this straight,” she snapped back, “so not only can’t we use the air, but now the ceiling fan has to be turned off. Hmm, I wonder how much worse my life could suck? Looking like a clown, not being able to sleep because I can’t have my fan on and what’s the other thing, oh yeah, and sweating like a pig all summer long – yippee.” She whined. I decided it probably was not the best time to bring up the subject of starting a composting pile. Yes, probably better to leave that for another day.

Grocery Shopping Combat

In searching for new ways to go green I thought a trip to the grocery store could prove to be inspirational. The store I shop at now has not only a special green section, but scattered throughout the store are various products which seem to be multiplying by the week. I'm always in a hurry when I go to the store, but this time I had planned my trip with enough time for me to be able to leisurely browse and investigate all my green options.

I started out in produce, weighing out the pros and cons between buying organic tomatoes and peaches versus non-organic. Really the only con was price, but then I thought about the amount of pesticides used on the non, and choose to go with organic. I was deep in thought about how I would justify my larger the usual grocery bill to my husband, when I heard a familiar sing-song shriek from behind.

"Oh my gosh, it's been sooo long since I've seen youooo, how are youooo." I stood there contemplating for a minute if I should pretend that I hadn't heard her, and start walking away slowly at first, then quickly gain momentum until I ditched her several isles away. If I did maybe she would be too embarrassed to follow in pursuit. But then I remembered it was Sally and she would hunt me down until finally cornering me over by the smoked hams. I took a deep breath and turned around, "Oh hi Sally, nice to see you." I lied. She looked at the tomatoes I was holding and the look that came over her face was as if she'd hit the mother load. "I never thought I would see you buying organic."

Now I had a decision to make; was I in the mood to stand there and go toe to toe with her, playing her little game, or was I not? I decided not. I was not going to give into the temptation of playing cat and mouse, so I simply smiled at her and said condescendingly, "Yes, well life is full of surprises isn't it Sally?" She slightly turned her head downward looking disappointed, when all of a sudden a creepy smile slowly spread across her lips as she focused in on my grocery cart. "Yes life is full of surprises. Like right now I'm surprised. I'm surprised that you would think to buy organic tomatoes, only to turn around and buy a roll of paper towel." She sneered. Before I had a chance to defend my alleged crime, she said, "You knooow, one micro fiber cloth replaces 60 rolls of paper towels. 60 rolls," she repeated as if I didn't hear her the first time. "Gee I wonder how many trees that saves from being cut down, and think of the landfills, gosh!" She was having this entire conversation with herself as if I weren't there. I couldn't have gotten one word in, even if I wanted to. Then she said, "Well I would love to stand and chat with you, but I have to get home and set up for Jenny's girl scout meeting. I'm teaching the girls how to make gazpacho today." And before I could respond gesundheit, she whipped her cart around, turning her back to me, and poof she was gone.

I stood there, shook my head in disgust, and said out loud, "I really can't stand you Sally, and I hope your gazpacho is rotten." I suddenly became conscious of the fact that I was standing in the middle of the grocery store, talking out loud to myself, when I caught the eye of a neighbor I hadn't noticed before. She smiled kindly and said, "Amen to that sister." Suddenly I felt rejuvenated with the realization that I was not alone. I continued on with my shopping trip, and left the roll of paper towel in my cart. I didn't need to explain myself to anyone. I knew that I had several micro fiber cloths at home, but that there were times when a paper towel was needed. So stick that in your gazpacho Sally!

Going Green is not for the Dogs

We’ve all heard the saying, you can’t teach old dog new tricks, but I wondered if my two dogs, Max and Mocha, could learn to go green. Hmm, how to green a dog; I know I’ll start with their food. Okay to be honest I got a coupon in the mail for $3.00 off a bag of a natural dog food, three dollars! Seeing as they already ate that brand already, how bad could it be? I figured that Max probably wouldn’t be able to tell the difference because at age 12 his taste buds were more than likely not what they once were. At first he turned his nose up, but finally relented and ate it. On the other hand, one year old Mocha had different plans. She picked out the new food, spit it on the floor, and then ate the old food still in the bowl. Cleverly, I had mixed the two together thinking that I would fake them out, not so much. I didn’t have much luck with the organic treats either.
Nothing seemed out of the ordinary to Mocha when she went out to do her business after dinner. She pranced out to the lawn, sniffed around, found the perfect spot, and when done came tearing up the driveway to claim her delicious reward. Foolishly I didn’t bring her inside the house before giving her the new organic treat. She took it in her mouth, dropped it, smelled it, and looked up at me as if to say, “You’re kidding, right?” Before I could get an old treat for her, she tore back down the driveway to terrorize the poor old beagle who happened to be walking down the street. His owner quickly snatched him up and glared at me like I was some kind of negligent idiot who shouldn’t even be allowed to pet a dog let alone own one. It was a look not unlike the look I received by the room of disapproving Mother’s when I asked, “Why must there be weekly meetings, wouldn’t every third week suffice?” It was the first and only time I ever attended a Brownie meeting with my daughter, but that’s another story.
I screamed at Mocha to come, then looked at the horrified look on the beagle’s owner’s face, and quickly changed my tone. “Come here Mocha my darling. I’ll give you a nice treat if you stop scaring that nice doggy.” I imagine the overweight beagle had not seen anything quite so intimidating as the 8 pound yorkie-poo Mocha jumping and bouncing around spastically as if she were a real live wind up toy.
I scratched the idea of store bought natural dog food and organic dog treats. Now I’m developing my own natural dog food recipes, because I still haven’t given up on the idea that you can teach an old dog new tricks, especially when it comes to going green. Not yet anyhow.

Act As If

I started thinking, in order to adapt a greener lifestyle I should begin to “act as if." I got the idea while watching a documentary on T.V. about a therapist who helped patients overcome their fears by encouraging them to confront whatever it is they were fearful of. I watched in amazement as the man who was afraid of snakes came face to face with a zoologist who tried to place a harmless grass snake in the poor guys trembling hands. All the while the therapist is instructing the patient to “act as if” he really liked snakes, and not to pay any notice of its lightening quick, slimy forked tongue waiting to strike without any warning.

Eventually it did work and I thought, hey maybe I could use this tool for myself in my quest of greenness. By “acting as if” I not only understood, but also used key vocabulary practiced in the sustainable community (I sound smart don’t I) I would eventually become greener, just like the guy who eventually touched the snake without noticeably wetting himself.

It’s all worked out rather well for me, and I thought that seeing as I’m a kind of self appointed green public servant, the only decent thing to do would be to pay it forward. Below you’ll find a short list of certain phrases and words that you too can use and start “acting as if.”

By throwing some green lingo into conversations here and there, you will not only impress your friends and co-workers, but you will increase your environmental awareness.
Impressive words to work into a dinner party can include;

So Stan did your company carbon offset your trip when they flew you to Paris on business last month? (Side note; make sure Dan’s trip was really business related, better yet ask him when his wife is out of earshot.)

Gee Pam these appetizers are delicious hope they don’t interfere with my low carbon diet! Then laugh ever so slightly.

Try and work post consumer into the conversation (this is a good one because it confuses people at first and makes you appear smarter than what you actually are.)

Finally after dinner you can start a rousing debate with the following question;

Hey Sally, Pete, Joe, which do you think is the bigger contributer to climate change? Fossil fuels, or methane gas? Tripple play here, but I suggest you ask this after dinner and not during, just in case beef is being served.

I hope you find this exercise to be as useful as I did, and who knows you might even be the hit of the party like I was. Personally when I “acted as if” to the last dinner party I got invited to, oh gee it must be about six or seven months ago now, I know how proud I felt by the universal look of astonishment on my fellow dinner guests faces when I said goodnight for the evening.
Good luck and until next time..

The Green Queen has Arrived!

Hello and welcome to my first posting...

This blog is a journal of sorts; a related account of my own personal journey into the world of Green. I have dabbled with it for the past few years, but now decided it’s time for me to get serious in my efforts, although serious would not be a good descriptive word for me. Let's simply say I'll be giving it the all American try.

I'll be blogging about my daily trials and errors while trying to truly embrace a greener lifestyle. Although before I begin let me first be totally candid with you; I am not going to be attending any rally's which could even remotely include sitting cross legged whilest tied to a tree. Quite honestly my knees would lock up and more than likely an ambulance would have to be called. But I promise to do my best by making environmentally sounder choices. I guess I'm just your average Jill trying to do better.

I truly thank you for reading, I hope you come back often, but most of all I hope you enjoy my journey.. Now sit back and enjoy because I have a feeling this could be one bumby ride!