How Much Should One Sacrifice for the Planet?

You know how you can just tell something isn't going to go your way just from a certain feeling you get? It isn't any kind of science, nothing tangible, but still you know instinctively that it's not going to be good? Well that's how I felt when I decided, a.k.a. got railroaded into, hosting a green cleaning party for my neighbor Sally. You remember Sally, she's the one who cornered me in the grocery store not long ago like the Spanish Inquisition.

I was at home minding my own business when the phone rang. It was Sally on the other end telling me about her newest venture. "I've been experimenting with healthy cleaning products, and I found it's really very simple to make your own," she told me as if she'd just invented sliced bread. "Seeing as you are so into the green way of life, I knew you would want to support the sustainable community by hosting my first eco-cleaning seminar." Did she really think she was going to smooze me with such a transparent approach? "Um Sally, why don't you hold it at your own house? Doesn't that make more sense?" I asked naively. "Oh gosh no that wouldn't work," she said as if talking to a three year old. "Everyone knows the party must be held on neutral territory, and seeing as you are the neighborhood green queen, yours is the logical house to host."

I wanted to ask her who everyone was. It was an answer that had eluded me for decades, who was everyone? Everyone knows you can't wear white past labor day, and everyone knows this and everyone knows that. But just who was everyone? I guess I pondered my life's mystery too long because Sally took my silence as a, yes I'll host your stupid party. "Oh thank you friend," she gushed, "I'll email you the list of people I think you should invite along with the party schedule. I'll also send along some menu ideas of what I think you should serve. Of course we can work on that together." She reassured me. "What," I asked too stunned to have heard a word she'd said after thank you friend. I sat there trying to wrap my brain around what exactly it was I'd gotten myself into when she said, "I have to run now, there's so much to prepare for. Oh goodness..." I heard her say before the numbing sound of the dial tone awakened my instincts to hang up the phone.

I sat there with my mouth slightly open like a fish out of water, as if there wasn't enough air in the room. I can't say for certain but I just know this is not going to be good.

Garage Sales are Very Green Indeed

Have you ever sat and watched a horror movie, and inevitably some fool decides to go into the basement? Sure you have and you probably have the same reaction I do, you sit there in disbelief and scream at the t.v., "What's the matter with you? Don't go down there!"

Well last month I decided to confront my fears and ventured into my own basement, and believe me it was scarier than any horror movie I ever saw. After I managed to maneuver around the cobwebbed covered gym equipment, and almost broke my ankle slipping on the dance mats my daughter had left on the floor, I made it back into the "storage" area, where I just about suffered a panic attack looking at all the boxes, wreaths, suitcases, dishes, well you get the idea.

Why would I ever embark on such an adventure you ask? Well let me tell you maybe it's been turning 50, or maybe it's simply that I'm getting brave in my later years, but the time has come for me to simplify my life, and what a better place to start than by clearing out the basement.

It took a complete month with as much help as I could guilt my family into giving to organize, repack, and haul everything that wasn't absolutely essential into the garage. Once that enormous task was completed the next logical course of action seemed to be to hold a garage sale.

"A garage sale?" My husband said shaking his head. "You have never even been to a garage sale, let alone have one." I ignored his negative attitude and worked feverishly on a three day event. At the end of the third day when more than half the stuff was left, he came up to me and asked, "Now what do we do, throw everything out?"

"Yes that's exactly what we do. Put everything out with the garbage and let it be taken to the landfill." I said sarcastically. "No dear, we donate the books and magazines to the library, take all the clothing to the brown sheds behind the church, box all the computer stuff, board games, and some other things to a community center, and what's ever left split between Volunteers of America and The Veterans Outreach. This way you aren't throwing anything away, it's being recycled for reuse and you get to take a dollar amount off your taxes."

He quickly rebutted, "Wow, I wonder how much gasoline you'll burn making all those trips," and then muttered under his breath, "Doesn't seem very green to me."
"Oh but it will be," I shot back, "as long as you hypemile on the drive."